ERMERGERD. CYUHTEES. THERR MERH FERVERT.

11 Dec

It’s cloudy outside and it looks like rain (though I don’t necessarily feel rain–I do feel the clouds, though.) And to be perfectly hones, I feel like crawling back into bed and ruining two weeks worth of insomnia correction measures because I’m feeling a bit under the weather  Literally and figuratively. I mean, I can’t even have any self-soothing chocolate ’til Thursday. It’s going to take some serious coping mechanisms to not bust into that tub of rainbow chip frosting that I just discovered in my pantry and go to town on that high fructose corn syrup like they’re no longer subsiding it. But it’s winter, which means I have a secret weapon: Cuties.

I have an unhealthy obsession with miniaturized, easily peeled, seedless, orange spheres. My fingers smell like orange glow right now. My stomach acid has probably dropped a point or so on the pH scale because of this. The unseemly monument-esque pile of clementine rinds comprising the compost pile that is my kitchen table right now is a downright impressive tribute to my dedication to the fruit. Aside form all of the chocolate-peppermint hybrid things that are part of that caffeine moratorium I stupidly agreed to, these things are my absolute favorite seasonal foodstuff. I’m in love with nature’s little vitamin C packets.

So for the past week, I’ve been demolishing bags of the things. I am the Mr. Creosote of citrus. My question is, if these things are so darn healthy, why do I feel like I’m about to be bitchslapped by the viral glove of influenza? No good, folks. Not okay.

Nonetheless, they are staving off the binge eating that usually foreshadows a strong rain resulting in my vomiting. Maybe, just maybe, if I eat enough of these buggers, it can stop the rain. I’m willing to test that hypothesis… 

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