Archive | October, 2012

Any way the wind blows, doesn’t really matter to me…

31 Oct

I feel the weather. Literally, in my right ear. And not just rain. I feel the wind, I feel cloud cover, drastic changes in temperature. I feel it all. Cloud cover is a  tensing in the muscles over the right side of my face. Intense temperature fluctuation messes with my hearing in a particular way. Humidity just numbs me out so I get rather quiet. I am a human barometer. And the first time two Mondays ago, I experienced tornado. Continue reading

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Caffeine! Why hast thou forsaken me?

30 Oct

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a productive human being in possession of any obligation whatsoever must be in want of a good cup o’ joe. Hell, who am I kidding? I’d settle for leftover instant sludge at this point. Nearly any person even mildly acquainted with me over the past few months knows that I’ve been slowly and reluctantly laboring to systematically eliminate caffeine from my diet for this study. And I knew it would be hard. Continue reading

Monday is Monday

29 Oct

It’s amazing to me that no matter how detached my life is from an actual schedule, I always feel like Monday is some sort of dramatic imposition on my person. I’ve been doing the VRT exercises as faithfully as possible (I’m supposed to be doing them 3 times a day, but most days I can only stand about 2 cycles before it becomes intolerable) and so far I’ve been pretty at peace with that. It’s going to suck–it has to get worse in order to get better. But for whatever reason, Monday rolls around, and my go-to reaction is an infantile “I don’t WANNA.” And I truly don’t understand, this. What don’t I wanna? I know that I can do this, I know that this is intended to improve my life, and honestly, all things considered, it hasn’t caused me to derail in a combustible pile of FAIL yet, so what gives?

I’m trying very hard to not be judgmental, because that’s part of being mindful, really. So, self. There’s really no problem with you having a chilly relationship with a day of the week on an arbitrarily concocted calendar. But you’re aware of it, and that’s good. So don’t go beating yourself up because you’ve got a case of the Mondays.

My inner ear’s hungry. Initiate brazen disregard for all that is gravity.

28 Oct

In line with yesterday’s treatise on acoustic excursions here’s another “bad level of dizzy and how it works” trigger post.

Let it be known to all that my inner ear gets the munchies. When it’s not fed, I’m not happy. The thing is I am the world’s worst authority on communication with my own body. It literally took me two years of corporeal nagging to actually take time off from school to listen to its cries for help. Continue reading

Screaming Carpets and Dropping the Bass

27 Oct

Long-term vertigo tends to be associated with anxiety and panic disorder. And that makes sense, right? You’re constantly disoriented. It’s like you live in this world very similar to the one you’ve always known but slightly time or space shifted from it. It’s a pretty natural reaction to panic. The worst panic attacks I’ve had occur in the middle of grocery stores, or really any shopping experience with lack of windows, aisles of product, and fluorescent lighting. Advertising is like my worst enemy–it’s a backhanded insult to my visual perception which is what I mostly rely on when I can’t trust my balance. Ironically, advertising makes me want to shop less. Haha, consumerism. Haha.

Anxiety attacks are awful, yet over the last few months, anxiety has taken a back seat to complacent numbness which may be worse still. Continue reading